1) Adjust your expectations: The pessimistic way of writing this would be to expect nothing. I think that's a bit harsh (but sometimes is reality). Through undergrad and medical school, if I needed help running an errand, studying for a test, or anything requiring mental/emotional support Dr.H was there. These days, that just doesn't happen. 20-30 minutes before bed is a luxury. Get used to doing things alone- you'll get used to it, and start thriving in how strong and independent you can be when necessity calls. Don't hesitate in asking for help (still working on this one- give me a break- I'm Swedish after all...).
2) Don't wish this time away: There's 5 years left of residency. On the really bad days, I'm tempted to start a countdown on the fridge, but wishing 5 years of your life to go by fast is problematic. The fact is, fellowship and the first several years of practice aren't going to be any better time-wise so you have to find ways to enjoy the day-to-day. Get really excited about the days off- go an adventure- get unplugged- plan really fun vacations. In terms of the money woes, I sometimes lie to myself and pretend that residency salary is it- no big pay raise to look forward to- could I still be happy in life? It helps me be thankful for the free things in life (exercise, mother nature, family) and what we do have (who needs double vanities? at least we have a functioning toilet and 4 walls to keep bears out).
3) Have your own identity and be patient: When I'm unloading the dishwasher, grocery shopping, cleaning, and doing laundry for the umpteenth time in a row (gahh!!), I take solace in having projects and friends that are my own. Even though most of the time it's all about Dr.H, some of the time has to be mine or I would go crazy. Finally, be patient! Being a trailing spouse is hard- it takes time to establish roots in a new place, meet the right people, and find the best job(s). Usually I put enormous amounts of pressure on myself to figure EVERYTHING out in record time, but that habit in combination with medical marriage would put me in the ground 20 years earlier than intended. No more.
Dr. Hottie- so proud of you. Let's keep doing this dance until you're the biggest, baddest surgeon around... and don't complain when I order you to exercise- it's for your own good.