Today, Jennifer had a blog reviewing a business book she had recently read- Lean In- by Sheryl Sandberg. In it, Sheryl discusses women, the workplace, marriage, and parenting. One idea she brings up is to approach balance and marriage as a pendulum vs. an evenly split pie. The pendulum idea really stuck with me.
Medical marriage- assuming the significant other is not also in medicine - is very much a pendulum. For the training years, the pendulum has paused on the side of Dr.H. Last March, we opened an envelope telling us where to go for the next 6 years. We moved our lives (happily but afraid) and Dr.H was quickly swept into the brother/sisterhood of general surgery residency. In essence, Dr.H had a foundation with which to build his house on & I'm building my house one painful lego piece at a time. Although we have what I would call a "contemporary" marriage, there is no 50/50 split of chores, cooking, paying bills, etc. & when kids enter the picture I will be the main caretaker.
Instead of viewing the marriage as a balance where Dr.H's needs will always be weighted more, I choose to view it as a pendulum. I know without my support, Dr.H's training years would be more difficult. I also know, the pendulum will likely swing back the other direction in the coming years- whether it be a certain destination, a specific house, or care taking.
So, thank you Sheryl Sandberg- for helping me move past the 50-50 pie idea- which is totally unrealistic in a medical marriage. Here's to the pendulum brining more peace of mind to the medical S.O's out there.